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We have the slowest Internet Connection in Norway. It’s official!
I called Telenor today and asked why the internet was working, but very very slow. They say, well you have the cheapest package. I say
“What? But my company pays my home internet.. swap me onto the fastest internet connection NOW!”
Then they checked, and said,
“Oh wait, we can’t.. because you have a very long cable to your house, its slowing the internet down, its as fast as it can be.”
I say
“What?”
they said
“Yes, my reading shows me that the nearest house to your house is 4 kilometers away, you are connected to that house via a 4 kilometer cable, it slows the internet down”
I say
“The nearest house is 5 meters away”
“My reading shows me its 4 kilometers”
” 5 meters”
I wander over to the window and wave at my neighbour
“4 kilometers” Telenor says
“5 meters, I just waved at my neighbour”
“Well Im sorry Sir, but theres nothing we can do.”
So I pull out my trump card
“Well, I would LOVE to pay more and get the fastest internet, can you please come and change the cable for a 5 meter cable, and tidy up the 3995 meters of spare cable that is obviously coiled up under my house. I believe Telenor has a duty BY LAW to provide internet to every Norwegian citizen if they wish to pay!”
(Aha.. check Mate)
“Actually Sir, We have an obligation to “provide internet”, you have internet, admittedly rather slow internet, but we have provided you with it.. so no, we cant come and change your cable”
“So Im stuck with slow internet?”
“Yes, Sir, I’m afraid so”

I hang up and weep…

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